January 22 2016
This is my latest journal entry. Figured I might as well post something today, and this works even though it's kinda long. :)
Joy. As defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, joy is “the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.” Reaching the completion of my chemotherapy treatment has granted me the satisfaction of taking claim to an official state of well-being along with a sense of accomplishment and success. However, I had difficulty in relating to the third descriptor of joy. True, I did desire to no longer undergo treatment, but I also desired far more to never require treatment in the first place. So to say the joy I feel is derived from the prospect of desiring to have an end to my chemotherapy treatment would be considerably inaccurate. In all honesty, I’m scared of what life will be like on the other side (the survivor’s side). But I have managed to find something that I can truly call my own. And because I possess this and it reflects my most intense desires, I can say that it brings me unspeakable joy. I have laid claim to a testament of God’s goodness, a token of His grace, and a shining beacon of who He is. There are undoubtedly similar testimonies out there, but this one is mine. Every single day of the past three years, four months, and eighteen days (1235 days, as if I was counting) I have practically gone mad from trying to know the intentions God has for my life. I have searched like a scavenger for answers to questions I dare not speak. I have mourned for the life I could have been living had I been dealt a different hand. But in spite of all the uncertainty I have encountered, of one thing I am sure: He’s not finished with me yet. Being completely real, my initial reaction toward that statement falls somewhere along the line of “You’ve gotta be kidding me.” But the more I ponder the idea of God continuing His work in me, the more excited I become. In the past 1235 days I’ve done a lot of things I’d rather not do again. Ever. But I can also testify to a whole lot of awesome that I’ve been blessed to experience. However pessimistic I choose to be, the good times will always outweigh the bad. And that statement resonates with truth! But sadly, even optimism has its limits. My happiness is still accompanied by heart ache. Why did I survive while someone else may have lost their battle? Does He love one person more? (Probably them because they got to go home sooner and He didn’t want my sarcastic personality up there yet…) No! He has different plans! If everyone was happy and healthy, we as humanity would lose interest in our eternal home. There would be no reliance on His promises. Perfection here on earth is not possible because we live in a fallen world. And if I can recognize the intensity of this exuberant joy and still take into count its lack of completion, I can’t even begin to imagine the day my joy becomes undeniably complete. All I can do is anticipate the future with awe-struck wonder. What is His next assignment? What is my next task? What other mountains do I get to climb? What future of mine would He be so willing to lay down His life for? With thoughts like this swirling through my mind, ironically I can clearly see what has been placed so marvelously in front of me, what I now claim as my possession capable of generating such joy. A glimpse of His heart has danced before my eyes. An essence of His character has been placed in my court. A taste of His kingdom has left me craving more. All of this has come from simply looking at how far He’s walked with me and realizing how much farther He’s willing to walk. I mean, we’re talking eternity here. So in the light of “He’s not finished with me yet”, I am joyful. I am alive with Christ (Ephesians 2:5). I am God’s workmanship (Ephesians 2:10). I am part of a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a purchased people (1 Peter 2:9). I am raised up with Christ and seated in heavenly places (Ephesians 2:6, Colossians 2:12). I am called to be the voice of his praise (Psalm 66:8, 2 Timothy 1:9). And… I am done with chemotherapy. But to make this as cliché as possible, I shall end this entry with the lyrics from a song. “I can tell the world, yes, about this. I can tell the nations, yes, that I’m blessed. Tell them what my Lord has done. Tell them that the Conqueror has come. And he brought joy, joy, joy to my soul!”
Jordan L
Jordan Little is my 17 year old nephew from Watertown. He is an avid swimmer and soccer player, and a Christ Follower. This summer he had an MRI done for a cartilage tear in his knee and unfortunately they discovered Leukemia. He is undergoing chemotherapy treatments.
Please pray for Jordan for strength, endurance, peace and total healing for him. Also pray that his family will continue to support him with their love and care and that they will rely on God for strength to do this.
Jordan was in the hospital for his Tucks Formal Dance; his sweet girlfriend took him along any way, and "carried him" in the Grand March on her Ipad via Facebook!
When the servant of the man of God got up early and went out, he discovered an army with horses and chariots surrounding the city. So he asked Elisha, “Oh, my master, what are we to do?”
Elisha said, “Don’t be afraid, for those who are with us outnumber those who are with them.”
Then Elisha prayed, “Lord, please open his eyes and let him see.” So the Lord opened the servant’s eyes. He looked and saw that the mountain was covered with horses and chariots of fire all around Elisha.
1 Kings 6:15-17
